Goodbye Now

I try to understand what it really means to say goodbye as I look upon my blurred reflection. It must be the mirror that really knows what goodbye means as I turn my back on it once again. See into my eyes before you say those words, the words that tear me down, nobody can pick me up at this rate. I see you breathing, living, thriving on the path laid out before you. It's not certain what started this "change" but I am watching, now, from a distance that was started because we all chose to say goodbye. I see it now, hold on, as tears of hollowed joy swell and slide down our faces leaving traces of memories we all share.

I now see reflections of you as I spin in the mirror that loves to play tricks on you, me or whoever dares to believe it's deceitful intentions. It shows me a night spent under the desert stars, a tranquil night disturbed by celebrations of Love and Reunions. An ocean of sand with an electric rainbow dance floor  made for these memories that now wash over our faces. The rocks will remember the words that were shared as we danced around fire while our smiles lit up the night. It's hard to see you now. Separated, torn and broken now lost in the night. The concept of goodbye is now starting to show itself to me.

As the light from the computer hits the window, it shows the reflection of a living room turned dance floor filled with just four people, living while its night and sleeping while its light. A small carpet space was now in the hands of Honeybee, as it seduced us into a night of beating the floor beneath our feet. Curtains now closed as we share time around our porch just giving ourselves time to speak.  A conversation of the unknown journey we were already embarking on. The fragile future we were to share set the stage for this painful goodbye now enveloping me with the complete understanding of the word.

It means heartache with bipolar sensations of grief and joy watching your eyes in the rearview mirror driving up the 101. It's knowing that the journey set before you is filled with endless roads, tracks and trails that will fill your lives with new dreams and memories away from us. Goodbye to the nights but not the memories. Goodbye to the past but not the future. Goodbye to the West but not your home. Goodbye to now but not to later.

Fire Required

It has come and gone once again with a fervent ambition to take all those good times away. Amongst the flames of the night is where we feel truly blessed, I take that back, alive. Alive in a life that feels nomadic more and more with each passing day. A life, laughter ensues, a life to be taken seriously for the fear of being misunderstood. A life lived as a parody (hiding behind a corner trying to blend in) atop the great stage of this paradoxical scene of restlessness hidden behind glowing smiles. It's those types of smiles that draw us back to the comfortable (sanity disguised as comfort) relationships that we ignore far to often, but comfortable none the less.

The fire grows.

With the growth of the fire it brings more people to it's light, the light that dances and crackles with the movement of the music. It's the music that is provided by a pair of Guitar Men singing to the moon. There seems to be no one else around the fire except for these two, they capture the attention of the night sky as their moods become more apparent. A desperate tone now enters into the voices, seeking comfortable (wisdom disguised as comfort) conclusions of decisions that have already been made. The music stops, everyone  goes silent, it doesn't matter what we are thinking which is to honest of a truth. It's time to break the silence, Guitar Men ensue.


The flames are now creating the heat that we all crave in this deceptively "Fall" cool night. We are following through with the most natural of instincts, oh to be close to one another wrapped up in the blankets of these flames. Holding onto one another are the two who choose to love (we always choose) one another because of the many nights spent surrounded by granite and desolate skies. Skies that were ready to be forged by their hands, their own written universe, a tall story to tell. A story that only they will truly know, share, and nourish with travels and books that fuel their journey. New contrasts of color is sketched into their skin as the fire waivers gently in the midnight breeze.
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The fire smolders.

  The embers now create faces in the fire as they glow in a pulsating kind of a way. The fire seems to have a heart on its way out, simply unfamiliar with how to let go. I look back to the good times now fading away with the fire, almost forgotten with the year that I have just lived. To grow and smolder with all of these fires we have shared. It's fitting to spend this night with all of you, a night where I grow another year older in the face of this dying fire. To age around fire is to stumble (always seeking balance) around and find a way to seek these ageless nights. I grew up.

The fire dies.

Floating

It's time to take a journey together, as I glance back I see the smile break through as you try to hold onto your last breathe. I think it's simply a time to grow with one another as your imagination shows you the road that lies ahead. The anxiety builds up inside as your feet lift up and start to glide across that freshly paved road. As you float away the sky turns grey and the softest snow bathes the sidewalk turning the ground into a virgin landscape. How can I follow you down this road and disturb such a vulnerable beauty. You don't glance back, instead you turn into a piercing light that envelops my soul before I am able to reach you.

I try to recall the moment when your journey drifted away from mine. It must have been the night when the music tore you away from the bitterness of your youth. A wave of stereo-phonics broke into your world creating a rejuvenating purpose to your life. I sat back and watched you move with a unique understanding of the music that was carrying you away, all I could do was watch you become the ocean of people. The waves moved as if they were hypnotized by a boasting full moon, but instead it was the music casting down rays of light that rocked the people back and forth.  I can no longer make you out in the crowd as you wash around on the dance floor. No time for a fare thee well, I don't have my life jacket to follow you out there so you slowly fade away.  Whatever happened to that final goodbye before your sails were set for sea to see the celestial sights that were created for our eyes to witness together? 

The proverbial fork in the road has been crossed, I chose the streets and treetops while you floated in a sea of tranquility through a cold winter storm. People always seem to choose the things they understand best so why should we be any different? All we can do now is think of one another as distant memories and nothing more. Distant memories that will soon be replaced by a new first kiss, a new sunset and a new first night spent up all night just talking. It won't be the same, but a refreshingly new tingle will once again travel up and down your spine. The memories that were once so cherished now slip away into the darkness just as the photos will collect dust and lose their resolution. I don't blame the journey, but I do envy the fearlessness of your ambitions to conquer those obstacles it places before you. 

This journey has found it's conclusion on the top of a mountain as I watch the trees melt underneath the heat of the day. I watch the sky display images of your future in the lights where the music never stops. You dance away with the setting sun as it lays the trees to sleep, tucking them away under the sheets of midnight's darkness. I look away for the last time, I know you will enjoy the beats of life while I seek the streets that feels best underneath my feet.